I'm in a funk...I feel like all I do is yell and chase kids. Do I want to yell at my children? No way! I'd love to speak in a soft, kind voice and have them magically listen to me the first time a direction drips sickingly sweet off my tongue, for them to smile and say "yes, mommy" and quickly follow through and complete the task I've so lovingly asked them to do...
REALITY CHECK (shortened for times sake):
Me - "Nathan, please go wash your hands and face before dinner."
Nathan - "No." He crosses his arms and gives a hmpf.
Me - "Dinner is ready and we're sitting to eat as a family tonight, so go and wash up."
Nathan - "I don't want to eat. I don't like your food." Turns even more away from me in defiance
Now I'm starting to steam...Brady steps in, "Nathan, go and wash your hands, please."
Nathan - "No. I. Don't. Want. To."
Brady - "Go, now."
I finish up the kids' plates and turn to him again. "Go, wash your hands or you will not eat"
Nathan - "I don't want to eat anyway. I don't even like this family." Stomps away...
So I raise my voice into a slight-ish yell... "GO WASH YOUR HANDS. I WILL NOT ASK YOU AGAIN. (I take a breathe) You are a minute away from going to your room without any dinner."
When I finally yell, he jumps to it! WHY!!! Why does it take that!? Why will they only respond to a raised voice! It is so FRUSTRATING!!
Then during the day...Carter will not let me put him down ALL DAY! He'c cutting 5-6 teeth all at once and I'm so over it! I have boutiques coming up and an etsy shop to run and that takes time...I don't have time because all of it is taken up with a fussy baby. He won't nap in his crib or the swing, only on me! I am trying to make extra money so we can have Christmas in our home this year and its jsut frustrating! Mommy needs a BREAK!
So as I'm trying to take care of the baby all day, Sophie's left to her own devices...which is leading to a whole roll of toilet paper stuffed in the toilet, a broken air freshner, coloring on the walls and more, bedroom and loft covered in toys, chewed DVDs, etc.
Brady helps, but he's not home as much as I'd like him to be (due to working two jobs and doing school) or when he is home he's doing homework or trying to wrangle the kids so I can squeeze in what I need to do for the couple hours he's here. So tonight I'm blogging and there are dishes to do, laundry to wash, floors to mop, toys to pick up and I'm just at the point where I don't care! Brady's doing homework (for the last hour and a half after getting the kids in bed) and I don't feel like doing it all by myself when I do everything all day all by myself...I'm over it.
I know everyone goes through trials...but I feel like we've been going through a lot and for a long time.........................I'm done with it and I don't feel like the Lord is listening to me or understanding me...I can't handle this anymore...I need happiness and joy...I need to be able to breathe...
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4 comments:
I think I am in the same boat you are in...about the Lord not listening. i feel like that now! I was trying to decide if I wanted to blog about it, but didn't know what to say, so I Started reading blogs. I hope you are okay and I am sure things will turn around soon! I keep telling myself that!
I try so hard not to raise my voice too, but sometimes the kids don't listen unless I do. It's totally frustrating!
I hate yelling at my kids too, I often ask them why I have to yell at them to get them to listen, and all I get is "I don't know", it is very frustrating. I know how you feel with doing everything, all the time and being done with it, I have felt that way more times than I can count. We started having the kids clean up their toys before dinner and then their rooms before bed, if they don't then they get grounded for a day from toys, candy, t.v. friends, etc. It's actually been working really well, we don't even ask more than once (unless they really didn't hear us)immediate action seems to work better then they know we are serious. You Father in Heaven is mindful of you even though it doesn't seem like it right now, hang in there things will get better. Love ya :)
Oh, girl! Your last two lines really hit home for me. I know what if feels like to be inundated with trials and feeling like the Lord must not be listening. But He is, and we both know that. Being a young mom is a thankless, tough job. Sometimes it feels like the bad days outnumber the good ones. I'm following President Uchtdorf's counsel from last conference and simplifying. I've been where you are and I know it's a hard place to be. Hugs to you!!!!
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