First off, I don't want to offend anyone with what I write. This is a total VENT for me. I am so grateful that I'm able to get pregnant and that I have two wonderful and healthy children...but really enough is ehough with this pregnancy!
This little guy was a summer surprise. We weren't planning on having a third child, EVER...but birth control can fail. I had so many mixed emotions when we got pregnant, but I put my head up and found excitement in raising three kids...along with a lot of stress and worry.
Then in October, Brady lost his job, his health benefits and his FMLA leave. I was way pissed about that because I have c-sections and need all the help I can get, especially with Nathan in school. We were happy that this baby's birth was coming the same time as Brady's annual bonus from Verizon, so he was planning on taking three weeks off to help me. Now, he'll be lucky to get the time I'm in the hospital off! I'm grateful he found another job and its something he enjoys.
Then at the end of October we found out Carter had dilated kidneys. Then over the past few months we've learned all that entails...and with Brady not having FMLA time off of work it's just going to be a challenge to get to doctor appointments with all three kids. We're praying that he'll only need monitoring and ultrasounds and that he won't need to have surgery.
Since finding out I was pregnant, I felt like I really couldn't work and be a good mom. I love teaching and especially love my theatre kids, but I couldn't give 100% to my students and 100% to my children and 100% to my husband and still focus on this pregnancy. So we decided that I should quit my job and stay at home and its been hard to give up my dream of teaching, but I feel like I'm giving up one dream for another. I need to be a mom and a good mom!
This last week has been the worst ever! Sophie spent last Friday puking her guts up, Nathan spent Monday puking, but it wasn't anything horrible. They'd throw up then move on with playing acting all normal. Cleaning barf is my least favorite thing in the world!
On Tuesday my doctor told me I had gestational diabetes. He said I didn't fail by much but enough to be diagnosed. Which means I have to watch what I eat (YUCK), I have to poke my fingers four times a day (YUCK) and I have to go into the doctors office twice a week (YUCK). I LOVE sugary sweets and I usually have ice cream or something before bed after Brady goes to work, I'm lonely and bored and ice cream makes me feel better...and really going to Mesa TWICE a week! We don't really have the gas money to be driving in that often.
AND, my doctor says that because of the diabetes he wants to move my c-section back to 38 weeks! WHAT! I've spent this whole pregancy expecting my baby at 36 weeks and when you're this far along two weeks is a long time! I wasn't having that. I talked with my doctor and reminded him of how close I came to uteran rupture with Sophie (she was born at 36 weeks and was 10lbs 3oz). My doctor said that if I had gone five more days that my uterus would've ruptured and both me and the baby would've died. My c-section with Nathan was repaired wrong, leaving my uterus damaged and making it a life-threatening situation for me to carry my big babies the last few weeks.
My fear is that if my c-section is pushed back two weeks, I won't be alive! It is a serious thing here! I would rather have Carter born a little early and need to be in the NICU then die and not be here for my kids and family. I came so close to dying with both Nathan and Sophie that I don't want to take the chance with Carter. There are people on this earth who need me.
SO then I wake up Wednesday morning and start puking my own guts out! I puke all day, I can't even hold water down. I blacked out in the shower that afternoon and was having a hard time breathing and some chest pains so Brady called the doctor and was told to bring my to the triage at the hospital.
I got there and the Labor & Delivery nurses sent me down to the ER (UGH)! I hate being in the ER, but my entire body hurt. My heart rate was in the 120s and I was dehydrated so the nurse started an IV (she blew one vein and i now have a bruise and it hurts). Three bags of IV fluid, four hours and a dose of tylenol and my heart rate was still high and I was still in a lot of pain from vomitting so violently. I was then given morphine and oxygen and an hour later my heart rate lowered to 108 and my pain was just about gone. They released me and told me to get a lot of rest (ha ha with two very active and LOUD children).
I still have a killer headache, but I finally became functional again about halfway through today. We ventured to the Verizon store (we downgraded our phones, I'm so sad I'll miss my beloved Balckberry, but we'll be saving $100 a month) and the trip was a little too much for me. I hate being sick!
Its just been strike after strike after strike with this pregnancy and as much as I may look happy or as much as I try to be happy, its getting harder and harder.
I know I've ranted, but I don't really have anyone to talk to so writing makes me feel better. I'm just going to give my problems up and pray for my life and Carter's life. I'm going to pray for the money to drive into town twice a week (and it'd be nice to buy some maternity clothes that fit and are comfortable) and I'm going to pray for patience as I struggle with my emotions and frustrations and that I can enjoy Nathan and Sophie these last few weeks...I just want this to be DONE!
3 comments:
Sometimes ya just need to rant, I know I have my days. I am so sorry this pregnancy is so hard. I know this probably won't really make ya feel better, but whenever things just suck, I think that there has to be a reason for it all, something good will definitely come out of all this suffering and you never know what else will happen because of it. It might affect you directly it might not. We are keeping you and baby Carter in our prayers.
ah man! You've been thru a ton with this pregnancy! Our 3rd was also a surprise, and it took me a long time to even tell people about it, because I wanted to be happy about it first, now I can't imagine life without our 3rd!!! I hope things get better for you!!!
Lola...I don't know how good the insurance you have now is, but when we first moved here we were already pregnant and lost our insurance we had in Hawaii. Due to the pre-existing concern of pregnany, Ben's new insurance wouldn't take me so we had to go on AHCCCS?? (The state gov't insurance). They take almost any pregnant woman who applies and my delivery with Lily was practically free, which really helped us out a lot at the time. (I also had a cesarean) They have a lot of other options that can come with the insurance, but I didn't need them at the time. I think they were WICK??(milk, etc. for women and children) as well as trasportation assistance for getting to DR appointments.
The only two problems with the insurance are the actual application process (going to the stupid office and waiting through all the inefficiency) and that not every Dr takes it. We were lucky that ours did. :-) We didn't have any problems getting the care/testing that we needed, so possibly it is something that might help with cost control since you are in for some serious hospital bills with all the health problems! The insurance would also cover all of Carter's costs, whatever they may be, after his birth.
I just thought of this when reading your post, so I thought I would share.
I hope you feel better, at least with the puking or something! Pregnancy really does suck sometimes!
FYI - If you need someone to watch your kids while you go to the Dr. appointments (that's horrible that they are so often, especially with you living in Queen Creek!), I am usually home with my two (who are just about your two's ages). I live at Higley and Baseline. 480-329-5009
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