Ok, so I don't think I've been overly emotional with this pregnancy, although the emotions always seem to be right at the surface. However, the past few days I feel like I'm totally loosing it.
So my birthday is on Friday and its really getting to me this year. I've not had great experiences with my birthday, its too soon after Christmas and New Years so everyone is too partied out to really celebrate. I even threw a party when I was 15 and NO ONE showed up! Yup, hand delivered the invitations, had the decorations and food all out, waited three hours then gave up...so I've gotten kind of a rough skin about my birthday.
Never has turning a year older bothered me, but this one is different. I'm turning 30 and its depressing to think that I'm pregnant on my 30th birthday which means I can't even do the ONE thing I ALWAYS said I wanted to do for this big milestone. I want to go to Disneyland...I know, totally retarded. What a stupid thing to get so depressed about.
I just wanted to look better, feel better and do something totally fun for this birthday. And its just not going to happen. I'm fat and pregnant, we're totally poor with me not working (which is fine because I love being home with my kids) and Brady has to work his overnight shift on my birthday. I'm only turning 30 this one time and as usually it will be no fun.
So woe is me! Hopefully putting this into cyberspace will somehow make me feel better...
The past couple days have been a hard adjustment as Brady is working overnight. I hate sleeping in the house without him. I'd like to buy an alarm system and a gun. :) So I'm not sleeping well and then struggling to keep a 4 year old and 2 year old quiet while daddy sleeps all day long. I'm just at my end of my fraying emotional rope.
I'm so thankful for my mom who has been such a great help! She is an amazing woman, who just came and helped with the kids when I was loosing it yesterday with their noise level and then cleaned my entire house and did all my laundry. And took me for a pedicure and to dinner last night. I'm so lucky to have my mom. She always knows when I'm in need, she's so willing to serve and is a constant example to me. I just love her!
2 comments:
That is really hard having Brady work nights! I was scared to death when Ben would go on his interview trips for Med School, so we have an alarm system now and I think it's worth it's weight in gold in helping me to sleep peacefully at night, even with him home! Also, let me know if you ever need to get out of the house so Brady can sleep and maybe we can meet you at a park somewhere and let the kids play. :-)
Happy 30th Lola!! What a great mommy you have! I hope you have a great day!!
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